To Quit or Fail? | Unveiling the Key Choices for Success
To quit or to fail that is the question.
Most of us have had or have some big dream in life that we want to achieve. And, on the path to achieving said “big dream,” we will all inevitably be confronted with obstacles, naysayers, and heaping mounds of rejection. Following months, years, or even decades of not quite “making it” most of us will surrender and accept that we are just not going to get what we want.
After all, there is only so much the human spirit can take before we second guess (or, worse: lose complete faith) in our abilities, our luck, and our fortitude.
This is when to quit or to fail comes into question.
Let me explain.
There is a crucial distinction between quitting something and failing at it.
Hint: if you are thinking that mindset and perception have something to do with it, you would be correct!
Quitting is a conscious choice. It is a decision to cease pursuing something you initially set out to do. It involves aborting the mission and, at times, relinquishing belief in the possibility of progress and success in a specific endeavor.
On the other hand, failing encompasses believing, and consistently working towards a goal because you genuinely care about the outcome. It involves having a passion or deep desire for the dream you aim to bring to fruition and a commitment to the process of making that dream a reality, regardless of the time it takes — even if it means facing a lifetime of limited success.
. . .
Quitting will result in a dream not being fulfilled. On the other hand, failing ensures progress and pride toward some things that you want (and if all goes well, fulfillment of the dream…at some point).
So let’s be honest; based on the definition above, most of us (myself included) haven’t truly failed at much — we have quit.
Admitting failure just sounds nicer and more acceptable.
The connotation of the word “failing” implies an involuntary outcome, where external factors or limitations thwarted success despite our very best efforts. In addition, culturally we have been conditioned to believe that we should feel some level of embarrassment in the face of constant rejection and/or lack of “tangible” progress. In a results-driven society, how many times can you say, “No, Grandma, my memoir is not done yet,” before it starts to feel ridiculous?
The fear or experience of embarrassment may swiftly convince us that persisting in the pursuit of our dreams risks damaging our reputation and credibility, especially if we continue to “act a fool” and persevere in believing and working towards our aspirations.
For this reason, it’s easier to blame our circumstances or self-flagellate with statements like “I failed” or I am a failure at this!” than to persevere in the face of adversity… repeatedly. Ultimately, we can find ourselves using the concept of “failure” as a convenient catch-all excuse for why we’re not pursuing what we genuinely want to do when in reality we may just be a bit scared, or ego might be a little bruised
We do ourselves the biggest disservice when we disguise the choice to quit as failure as it deflects personal accountability and, to some extent, convinces us that external forces genuinely control our destiny. They don’t.
I like to say, that if you are not going to keep failing until your last breath, then it is okay to take a break (or pivot) from your dreams — just don’t quit on them.
Occasionally, when dreaming on an ambitious scale, the reality might be that achieving our dream, or at least its full manifestation, may not align with our preferred timeline. Other developments, discoveries, or inventions may need to come first. In such cases, a pivot or adjustment to our goals and expectations for how the dream should look becomes necessary.
There is no reason to ever have to quit on a dream unless of course it no longer inspires you.
If we are in the business of making ourselves super happy and proud, then we have two options: 1) keep failing wholeheartedly, or 2) quit responsibly.
Here are some tips.
Failing wholeheartedly:
Maintain a sense of humor. Embrace the fact that you’re doing something new without a clear roadmap. You’re learning and are bound to make mistakes. A lighthearted approach to these learning experiences will help you navigate the unknown.
Be realistic. Achieving significant goals requires substantial buy-in, resources, and time. Understand that the journey to success is not going to happen overnight; it’s a gradual process. So, set realistic expectations to avoid unnecessary frustration.
Don’t compare yourself to others. This is hard! Comparing yourself to others is a distraction, as is competing with others. It is also the fastest path to despair. Keep your focus on your path, work on increasing your resources, and consider how to leverage the people around you who have already had success to help you on your journey.
Quitting Responsibly:
Be honest with yourself. If you no longer find inspiration in something you initially set out to do, it’s acceptable to step back and move on. Remaining in something with only half-hearted enthusiasm can do more damage to your reputation than leaving honestly.
Grieve if you need to. There are times when we must mourn what we thought we wanted or once desired but no longer suits us. Take the time to delve into your emotions surrounding the idea or pursuit that you are letting go of. This ensures that you leave something behind clearly and fully, creating space for new dreams without old baggage.
Own it. Many of us hesitate to admit when we’ve given up on something because we worry it makes us sound wishy-washy or like, well … a quitter. The truth, however, is that letting go, moving on, and changing our minds are inherent parts of life. When we don’t own our decision to quit, either to ourselves or to save face with others, we trap ourselves in purgatory, appearing and feeling powerless. Quitting responsibly involves resolutely saying NO to something you don’t want — there is pride in doing this and it is a sign of a decisive person willing to course-correct to create a better future.